Giving Your Doula Feedback
What you’ll learn: how to confidently and respectfully advocate for yourself and your family’s needs, without the guilt.
Feedback is a gift - or so they say. We all know it doesn't always feel that way, whether you're the one giving it or receiving it. But here's the thing: in your fourth trimester, feeling supported in a way that actually works for your family is a necessity. And sometimes that means speaking up, even with your doula.
This doesn't make you difficult, it makes you an amazing advocate for yourself and your baby.
Step 1: Strategize
Start by choosing the communication method that works best for your relationship. In-person conversations are my personal favorite. Others may be overwhelmed by it and prefer time to process information before speaking about it face to face. Trust your instincts and choose the option you believe feels most comfortable for both of you.
Step 2: Rehearse
Before you reach out, rehearse what you want to say or write out a draft. Lead with "I" statements and keep the focus on your needs rather than your doula's actions. At the end of the day, their goal is to support you, and they'll likely welcome the clarity.
Here are a few real-life examples to get you started:
“I love catching up when you arrive. Lately though, I'm so exhausted that I really need to prioritize sleep. Could we keep our check-ins and close-outs to 15 minutes each? I'll leave a notepad with everything you need for the evening so you can reference it and hit the ground running.”
“I loved that you prepped a bottle for me on your last visit, it made such a difference! Could that become a regular part of your visits?”
“I feel most supported when I don't have to name all the tasks to be completed each visit. When you're able to anticipate what I might need, it takes so much off my plate, and right now all of my energy and focus is on my newborn and my recovery. Does that feel doable?”
You might also consider closing your feedback by inviting theirs: "Please let me know if there's anything I can do to make things easier on your end."
Step 3: Self Care
Before you hit send or start the conversation, take a few deep breaths. Let go of the guilt.
You're giving feedback because you value this relationship and you want it to work for both of you. You're not being overly critical, and you're not asking for too much. When you come from a place of genuine care, that intention comes through.
And if it doesn't go perfectly? If your doula needs a moment to process? That's okay too. Lean on your support system, and give yourself grace. You advocated for yourself and your family and that’s what matters. Take care of yourself by performing a self-care ritual and let this moment pass.
